of love and patience with myself...

attended this seminar/church session on relationships and love with one of my best buds, *nana* on saturday. i'm grateful for her invitation, though i was rather uncomfortable initially. but i guess it was really an eye-opening experience, 'cause I haven't been to church before. i must say that i was left stunned and lost when everyone started praying and singing the hymns loud. i mean what am i supposed to do? i could only just stand there and stare at the people around me, felt rather embarrassed to be exact. but fortunately, i did leave the place, taking away some valuable lessons learnt from the talk.

the pastor talked about relationships. talked about how we shouldn't just enter a relationship if we're not emotionally stable, and emotionally free. well, this kind of shed light on my decision to end the previous relationship, which sometimes seem as irrational or rash to myself. but i guess i don't regret this decision anymore, because i've seen the reason now. i've got lots of other things in life to care about, other emotional burdens that i have regarding family and so much more. in a way, i'm already too drained out to waste my time on other people.

and this whole seminar actually brought me to think further about my life and my unhappiness recently...maybe it's just the fact that i don't love myself at all, i've never shown favor or grace on myself, and this kind of degrades myself in front of others. others don't see the point in loving me well since i already don't cherish myself that well anyway. this is a really simple thing which i've long comprehended, but has yet to practise it on myself. so it's time to give some love and patience to myself. maybe this will mean the better for myself. :)