trying to survive

trying hard to survive each day as best as i can.
my friends' been asking me whether there's anything wrong recently.
the truth is there's nothing wrong.
but neither can i explain the reason behind my frequent stone-ings; spacing out; zoning out.

yes i drift off to my own world rather easily, and i look easily "stoned". but there's NOTHING wrong with me seriously.

oh well maybe i'm just alittle teeny bit tired, but i've been getting much rest these few days as i'm on leave. so i guess things will be slightly better after i've rejuvenated.
i guess perhaps the reason for spacing out during my free time (after work) is really because i'm too drained out to think much anymore, many a time i just let my mind drift off to do a little something on its own.

and the scary thing only happens when i go shopping, because of the fact that i'm too tired to think, i start to spend frivolously, buying WHATEVER i fancy. the old me will usually think twice or even thrice before every purchase, but it's not really the case now. is this some kind of redemption for my lost soul or what?

* while i'm here bitching about my life;endless shopping sprees, there are people suffering at the other side of the world, the sze chuan quake victims and the cyclone-hit burmese refugees.

it hurts having to watch the cable channels, as there are frequent reports on the news;
-mothers waiting at the quake site for their kids to return
-school bags lying around in the ruins with no owners claiming their ownership
-noble parents who try to protect their kids (one of the most touching would be the one where this mum protected her 3 months old baby by being in a kneeling position....the mum perished, but she left one last message on her handphone for her baby (loosely translated as: my dear baby if you manage to survive, please remember that mummy loves you)

my gosh. all these just drives tears out of me every single time. i wish all of them would be able to brave through this ordeal. meanwhile guess that we can do our part as well.

* on a side note, went to help out for this red cross event-care and share day on saturday where we tried to entertain the old folks with ktv songs; bringing them around for walks and dinner. i helped out in a similar event last year-project red cross love, playing with kiddies.

seriously i'm really grateful that i found yuan and trix after so many years, and knowing how much i've missed out all these years. i mean it's good to be able to help out at such events, no matter how big or small they are, i guess it really makes a difference to the old and needy. at least it makes a difference to me.