too many things on my mind

there have been too many things on my mind lately.
they generally revolve around work; life; my future and etc.

but as the schedules get more packed, and as i get busier, i realised i'm just being coered into that whole state of "speak nothing at work, just do your work and get your ass out of this place" kinda mood almost everyday.

seriously, many people have been asking me why do i succumb to all these, join the so called "dark side". i don't know what keeps me going till this moment. i guess it's because i know that i should really just take this like a really valuable learning experience, which at the end of it i guess i'll gain something. but currently, i'm just kinda like jaded and too tired every other day.
i don't dread work, but neither do i look forward to it. hmm, it's just a numbified feeling. which is scary, i'm still so young and this is my FIRST job, why do i already sound like some old spinster who has worked for 30 years. paranoia strikes.

well maybe i'll just let nature takes its course. letting myself realise the true direction to head off to. meanwhile, just hang in there.