career crisis

yes. you've read it right.
1 year 8months into my first job, and i'm already experiencing a crisis.
is this quarter life crisis or what?

two of my closest colleagues just left last week, the new colleague who's yet to warm the seat has tendered too. that leaves the total headcount to er..4? and the program is a daily program.
which you would have guessed. the remaining warriors would have to fight life till its very end. i'm doing 3 days line producing in a row. i just came back from my 1 week break. before you know it, you're already in the pits. that's practically the life of an over-worked exhaustive slave to this place.

i could have escaped. quit. but really what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. but the fact is also that the company reads this as "oh. so the team is manageable with just 4 people, so we shall not give you the headcount next time". well they are rather capable of unreasonable mind-slogging tactics like this. with the alternate shorter work week bloody scheme coming up. this situation just doesn't get any better. it really dampens the morale. fancy slogging to your bones, and the damn place is still not giving you your rightful rewards. seriously why am i hanging in there for? for passion? for consideration? can all these exchange for more money? i'm not being money-minded. i'm just being pragmatic. it kinda dawns to me that in this place, pragmatism is the devotion. why bother why bother?

i'm not rushing away from the job, because there are still chances here that i see, but not when they diminish. the flame is wavering, but it's not blown off yet. i wish someone can offer me a light to make me see clearer. but i guess it all runs down to one thing, i've got to depend on myself. i hold the key to my heart. sadly.

there are too many things on my mind. i'm so confused sometimes. n the only way that i can relieve my stress is constantly working out. making full use of my recently-upgraded-to-unlimited-lessons with the gym. well at least i've learnt to handle all these in a rather adult way. maybe this is all part of growing up. handling one day at a time, choosing to exercise or laugh off any shit that comes along. to be cliche, when life throws lemons at you, just make lemonade out of them.
lemonade anyone?