Sick.

Totally sick. Sick of making mistakes.

Sick of the fact that everything I do for work must be all so carefully monitored, failing which there may be dire consequences. Damn. I just wish that everything will be okay. I will be safe and sound for everything that I do for work. Damn. These heavy responsibilities. Makes me so goddamn worried and freaked out everyday. It's like my life is on the line everyday, every minute and moment is torturous, not a minute can be spent just being "blur". I have to be on the alert every single second. On one hand, I'm excited and so looking forward to all the new things that I'm going to learn, but on the other hand, I just feel so tired. Tired of all these. Sometimes I just wonder why is it that I can't be a simple "don't think so much" kinda office lady/admin executive. But I refuse to refute. I don't want to succumb. To all these awful ideas that I keep having about work. Seriously, think I need a shrink or something. No I think both me and qy need a shrink or something. She's kinda insomniac these days, so tired but yet she can't get to sleep. I reckon it's due to work-related stress. At this rate that we're doing, we may end up being happy buddies/next-door neighbors in you know where. Ok, maybe not that serious. But still.....you get the idea right.

On a side note...
Relationships are a hassle. A big hassle. But wherever there's the presence of human beings, there are relationships being cultivated, thereafter your lives are changed forever.

There are people who hurts you, people who provides you with so much entertainment, people who irritates the shit out of you. And of course there are people that you wish you could have known earlier, people whom you wish will never ever leave your sight, because they are such fun to have. You can't expect anything him/her, because that would be tremendously stupid and silly. Yet, somewhere in that little corner in your heart, you wish you would have mattered alot to him/her. You just allow yourself to indulge in something like a one-sided affair, a self imagined relationship/friendship, whatever. He/she may never even know what you feel, or rather even if they do know, they couldn't do anything about it, can they? It's too late. They could never ever be your companion, because there's already someone else beside them.

Such sadness that I'm painting.

I'd appreciate if you do not leave comments that tease, because I'm certainly not in the mood to entertain any comments of that sort, thank you.