This challenge

A few days ago, I was just lamenting about how meaningless my job is. There were so many times, when I was just thinking maybe I really got into the wrong line. "This job is just not for me," I thought again and again, while waiting for the cab, while walking that usual route to the office and studio....

The show is too early, for goodness sake.
The show has so much content, but there's so little time. There's always lack of time for an indept interview, thus said equals to no complete understanding (so what's the point?).

But I wonder if there's more to this arrangement for me. Maybe there's a reason for me put into such a show at this very start of my corporate life. Everything is a new challenge to me, considering that I've never really done current affairs or news. Internship or fyp were all drama-based. Everything is kind of fictitious, self contained in that 24 minutes script. Not saying that drama is crap or what, but maybe 'cause current affairs is really such a far cry from the usual stuff that I've done, I feel more realistic in this job. Everything that you do, no matter whether it's just a simple 30 secs trailer or teaser, it has to be truthful, realistic to the core. Abit too serious for my liking initially. Not saying that I've loving this job at this point, but at least I can say that I left the office today with serious thoughts on my mind. And as usual, I like serious thinking, most of the time heh. Working out some stuff about work mentally while making my way home today, and came to my own consensus about this job.

Am I just doing this job, all for the sake of doing the job, for the pay, for the benefits, for the fact that I would like to settle safely into the "mainstream", being classified as an official employed member of this country?

Or do I want more than the above.

Frankly speaking, I have no answer at this point in time, too early to place a judgement on anything, I reckon.

But alas, neither should I just churn out interview questions, just for the sake of meeting deadlines, meeting people's expectations, right? Which I thought I've been doing this since work started. Maybe that''s why I don't really enjoy the process of work as far as I can say.

Do I just want to be some question churning machine? I don't, do I? I need some self-esteem in work, don't I?

Maybe that's why I've came further, to plot my own expectations for myself.

Finding the right angle to a particular story, of course. With more self efforts and thinking, definitely.

Finding the line between justified journalism and being all PR. Finding the line between seeking the truth and sympathy. Which got me really confused at this point in time. That's probably it at this point in time. Till further exploration and challenges, I guess.


P.S: Wait a minute, did I mention journalism just now? Gosh, can't stand myself being serious. I'm always a drama mama. But hey, I've discovered one/first plus point of this job, it's being a journalist and a producer, I'm both! I'm both! Double duty me. Bless me.