fate beckons...

muahaha. the hr person called today, in the midst of my dental appointment somemore.

she said that she's already obtained approval from THE management. i could have just "yipee-d" all the way, but.....

as you would have known, yz is a very paranoid kid, a very unsettled soul, a very worrisome one.

so it's only until i've seen the contract right before my eyes. sign the damn thing. it's only then will i really be relieved.

but one thing about this job is that it's a 2 years contract. a very unsettling fact again. it's good and bad i guess. in a way, i'll have more flexibility, not getting stuck at the same place FOREVER. but in another way, the company would have alot of flexibility too. well, we'll just see how things go along. fate beckons....

it's a beautiful night

an unexplanable nostalgia overwhelms me.

we've all come a long way before we made it to this.

thank you babes. i heart u all! :)

春天的微笑

作词:徐世珍/作曲:沁珈 主唱:何耀珊

雪慢慢融化 从云上出去晒晒太阳
看见了樱花张开翅膀 代替我把眼泪落下
躺在草原上 想开始从回忆里松绑
把对你的执着都放下 我尽力而为了对吗
冬天 太长 花儿要是不够傻 怎么有盛开的力量
地狱 天堂 就看我怎么想
我从梦里终于醒来决定把你忘了吧
每一朵花静静开了 对风雪已经原谅
值不值得都过去了 这世界从来一次我的人生也一样
我从梦里终于醒来决定把你忘了吧
每一个人都很愿意拥抱着我不要怕
爱我自己 呼吸坚强
春天的微笑让我想要在次希望

春天的微笑让我有勇气再出发

i've got to brace myself up for changes.

as you will probably know by now, most of us CS peeps are already over and done with the last examination of our school life. the film studies paper on the monday that had just past concluded my sort of long and arduous school life. wasn't feeling especially rejoiced, just feeling relieved more than anything else. maybe the reality hasn't really set in yet. but i was indeed feeling kind of empty and lost today upon waking up. there's like nothing to do, (ok there're still trailers to do for fyp), but alas most of the stuff are already done. and it's screening this friday. woohoo.

and one more piece of good news. the hr person has gotten back to me. and well the situation now is this: it seems that i've successfully passed through the aptitude test and interview. everything is ok, except that the approval from the management is pending. i'm keeping my fingers crossed. i hope she'll get back to me soon with a date to go down and sign the contract with them. i just need some confirmation. i'm an unsettled soul these days.

furthermore on my life, i'm going to wear braces!!! after these many years of being mocked and laughed at for the missing tooth and that gap in the mouth, i'm finally going to do something about this. i went down to this dentist today for the necessary procedures, to have a proper xray, and moulding to find out what is the best solution for my situation. but something's keeping me back now, it's soooooo expensive. 2.5k for i don't know full mouth or half mouth braces. i couldn't remember what the dentist said today, but i'll be returning again on next monday, and i'll see what i'll do from there. to put on my braces from then, or look out for other places, seeking for various options. it's going to be a tiring process of searching for the best place. but well, i reckon that's the price to pay for when you need this pertinent change in your life.

Need to mug!

I NEED TO STUDY.

I NEED TO MUG.

I NEED TO BE UNDAUNTED BY THE UNKNOWN.

I NEED TO STUDY AND DASH FOR THE FINISHING LINE, FEARLESS OF THE OUTCOME.

PLEASE GIVE ME THE COURAGE TO DO SO.

of a good day in school

moderation was OVER. it was great. erm i would describe it as being hilarious? apart from some of the exchanges of what was apparently some bouts of english humor which i did not quite comprehend. the moderation was enjoyable. they were cute. like cute. tickled my funny bones. woohoo. never thought it would turn out exactly different from what we thought it would be. hopefully their somewhat very positive comments would translate into concrete EXCELLENT grades. action must speak louder than words, ain't it? i'm pinning lots of hopes on that. heh.

i wanted to put some pictures of today, where everyone was dressed exceptionally smart. ok la, at least it was like the MOST formal attire that i have ever been clad in since like 4 years ago, upon entering this school. haha. n i must remark that MY HAIR IS FINALLY LONG! for those who knows me well, they would have died a zillion times just hearing me lament about my wiggy hair that never seems to grow at all. so this is spectacular. I HAVE LONG HAIR NOW! woohoo! *throws confetti*

i dreamt about him yesterday. a very strange dream, where we went to drink beer at the beach? i ordered this tremendously huge jug of beer, then realised that it was too expensive, it costs $73.40. then i reckon it was way too expensive for just beer, so i paid $30 instead for 2 pints instead. was it a reasonable bargain? hmm.... and also i dreamt of me eating 3 varieties of bread at my old house's void deck. one is hot dog bread with chocolate cream, the other is just croissant with cheese i think, i forgot the last one though. heh. hmm what's the point of this dream man? WEIRD. STRANGE. but strangely delicious. oh well, maybe i was just hungry. haha.

girls cannot like girls?

it gets me extremely irritated when guys ask such questions like, "why would u like a gal?"; "i didn't think u would like gals"; "so what's about u liking gals?"......

so what's the big deal about liking girls? it doesn't mean anything bad right. just wondering why guys are usually so narrow-minded. u like gals? so u must be a lesbian. like what the hell.

girls are just more vocal can. and me, being more vocal about my love for my girlies than others can. girls APPRECIATE and CHERISH the people around them ok. not like guys. can't even find an apt description for them. *rolls eyes*

my poor luck in life.

I just finished reading this book recommended by dear pal, qy.
It's called *Adrian Mole: The Wilderness Years*.

It was quite a delightful read. Not too wordy or too complicated for my understanding heh. But the real reason behind this delight is that the character is such loser? haha. he is simply hopeless. I would have died a zillion times if i were him. how can anyone live with such a erm...loserish life. pardon me for my lack of vocab. but the only word that kept crossing my mind when reading the book was "loser". he had a failed life basically. no career. no car. almost non-existent love life. or rather to be more exact, no woman likes him. and sometimes he's just such an enigma. and in the midst of all this reading, i was just thinking, am i an *Adrian Mole too? cause i pretty much have a loserish life as well. nothing turns up well for me anyway. haha. but *mole's persistance and optimism in life just makes me look at him in awe. his "sanity is like hanging on a fragile thread" (*adrian mole*) every so often, just like mine. but yet, he moves on in life, as if nothing will ever get worse, and that is just like me too! haha. that's why i've enjoyed the book. nice. :)

on yet another matter. i went to the dentist yesterday. and yeah! no decayed teeth this time. the dentist said my teeth is fine. woohoo. but later when i was paying at the counter, the nurse said, "you should fix that gap you know... not very nice. and somemore chinese belief has it that having a gap in the mouth means poor luck."

wow. that explains the poor luck all these 23 years. it's that gap in the mouth. that's it. i'm going to fix it. after the exams of course.

a getaway

there's this sudden urge to just go on a getaway. get away from this country.

i don't care where, just take me away.

i love making bday cards!

ok, so i grabbed these pics from wa's blog. tadah! this card is self-made, by yours truly! yeah! woohoo! i'm overjoyed! because my favorite b*t*h loves the card! and she's truly impressed by my craft skills. heh heh, am i good or what? ok, shall not self-praise. but yeah seriously, u cannot imagine my love for making bday cards. oh well, i don't have the proof here, cause i never ever take pics of those that i've made. :( ahem. but i make CUTE cards ok. testimonials from frens please. it's a great knowing that people do appreciate the cards and little nothings that you've made for them. happiness. my favorite b*tch has made my day.

欢乐的晚上

那是一个充满欢乐的一个晚上。仿佛突然回到了中学时期，能够象个孩子般尽情欢乐。

我要上进！

我不管了。我从今以后要多多以华语书写我的部落格。你要叫我 cheenapok,我也不管了。

因为， 我要上进，我要重“识”-重新认识 华语。大学的四年来，都是以英文书写或以英文对话，导致本姑娘的华文逊色不少。经过星期二的面试之后，盾然意识到自己的华文对话能力竟然退步地如此厉害？可能紧张是个理由，但在这弱肉强食的社会，谁会理你这么多呢？雇主要看到的是你呈献最完美的一面，他们无瑕理会你的紧张与不足。

所以这次的面试真是让我经一事，长一智。一定要有充分的准备才行。我大概会“凶多吉少” 吧，大概没办法过关了吧。好一次悲惨的教训啊。现在也只好听天由命了，如果真的遭拒绝的话，就只好去应征当个娱乐杂志记者吧。套一句仁茵的话，“至少她叫你有机会的话，可以到报馆工作-至少她还觉得你有资格到报馆工作” ，可能这是命运的安排，别处的草原更适合我呢？但是如果他们真的可以让我这个小妮子，到里面工作的话，我将是万二分的感谢上苍，感谢在天之灵的父亲，我一定会努力学习的。真希望能有这一个宝贵的机会。


说说别的。不知为什么，最近的我常常有一种非常落漠的感觉，常常都想无缘无故地哭一回。真的觉得好无助，好似自己被人遗弃在一个无人的沙漠，不知道回家的路。不知道能向谁求助呢？我是个忧郁的人，脑子里总有好多不快乐的想法，却常常以欢乐的笑容来掩饰。我也不想这样，但我想大家自个儿都有好多烦恼吧，并不须花费精力来理会我这个忧郁的灵魂。这世界好悲哀，我们的城市真可谓是个*悲情城市。大家都象行尸走肉，已全然忘记自己生存的意义了吧。

FUN!

Fun is a word that is not to be understated, because it means alot to me on this day.

YEAH!!! BBQ WITH MY UNI MATES!

this is total nostalgia man. bbq was totally "the in thing" during secondary school days man. haha.

hopefully the other peeps will quickly finish their "battle" with the term paper, and join us!

FUNNNNNN!!!!!

it's a flop.

ok so today i went to that interview. it was a flop. seriously.

i don't really know whether did i talk sense to them. and i was purely disgusted at how i actually couldn't converse in mandarin. so many mandarin words just couldn't come to my mind, and so you know it, i expressed quite a lot of terms in english. hai...and this is a chinese current affairs job that i'm applying for. i'm seriously a gone case. maybe it isn't that bad la, but to me since it wasn't good enough, i'd call it a miserable interview.

and i thought i've seen my aptitude test paper. i thought i saw an A-? but so what if i did pass the aptitude test, would they still give me a chance? did i just flop the interview and ruin my chances? but seriously, i'm not auditioning for the role of a presenter mah. so can they just close one eye??

the interviewers' faces. i can remember clearly. i hope they were not too disgusted with me.
ok, so it's time to look for yet another job.